22/4/10
second post of the day.
I just wanna add some things.....
xx kept asking what I wanted for my birthday. I said anything, but deep inside, I really mean:
what I want is something even money cant afford. it is the trust from my mom.maybe she doesnt know, but she's
emotionally abusing me....
*sigh*
I just hope my mom sees this...
then again.. whats the point? will my mom do anything? no, the answer is guaranteed. this emotional abuse has been going on for years, and I just realized it a few years ago.
now I'm feeling suicidal. someone give me a penknife and I'll cut myself.
speaking of which, I was slicing some french bread, and I accidentally cut my wrist with the knife.
but you know what? it didnt hurt at all.
maybe I should start cutting.
I just wish my family will treat me better... its either that or I just run away.
nothing's going on right with my family and me.....
is god even helping me? I dont think so.... because I have done a lot of bad things... dont think god will even help me...
well if like that, why am I not dying?
benza just told me to gain my mom's trust.
but how do I do it? can someone demo?
its not easy if you're me.
I seriously wonder.... if I ever die, will my family -- even parents -- cry?
I want answers.
